Mommy/Wife/Friend Guilt..Oh, and a Unforseen Hospital Stay

You know you feel bad when it's 3 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon and you are lying in a hospital bed with the TV off and all of the lights off in convulsions.

I have just been an emotional wreck all day. You see, Thursday night I woke up in the middle of the night running 103.4 fever. I got it to come down with some Tylenol. Yesterday the fever was sitting around 100/101 for most of the day. B has been sick and has been running a high fever for 5 days (she is going back to the doc tomorrow), so naturally I thought I had what she has. But we laid down to take a nap and both of our fever spiked again. So I immediately called my doctor to see what I needed to do. Much to my dismay I was instructed to go to the ER. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Problem...I have 3 kids and husband who had a video conference (or something like that) at 6 o'clock that he couldn't miss. So as delirious as I called my friend Stacy and asked her if she would take me to the ER. She jumped in her car and headed my way and was at my house before I could blink.

We got called back pretty quick, but I guess since my case was a trauma...I didn't matter. I went through triage. Then I went to another room where we sat for about an hour and a half. The poor student who was trying to draw my blood was so frustrated. She called one of the nurses in to help her and she just did it for her. I hate that she did because she beat my hand so hard. I'm pretty sure it wasn't necessary seeing as to how I can see a maze of veins in my hands all the time. I have awesome veins for drawing blood, but the problem was I was SO dehydrated that nothing was coming out...and when it did, it was clotting in the line. Then they did an X ray and we moved to a different room.

I was given 2 IVs of fluid for the dehydration and forgotten about. Seriously...forgotten about. The NP came in and gave me some info on my labs which I was told would take 10 minutes to get back, but they took an hour and a half (or more) to tell us the results. My white blood count was really REALLY high. My fever had spiked to 102.5 again as well. She said she would get someone to bring me some Tylenol and some WATER. 30 minutes later and no tylenol or water. At that point I started gagging. Poor Stacy doesn't do throw up so she jumped up and ran out the door yelling for someone to get me some tylenol and some water and that I was about to throw up. The only nurse that got on it all night ran in gave me a throw up bad (and yes I puked) and he brought me water and tylenol and antibiotics and Zofran and morphine and I think something else, but I'm not sure. Then a lady nurse came in and catheterized me to get some clean urine. I'm pretty sure those results would have sat on the desk not being read if we hadn't asked about them. Turns out I had a seriously bad kidney infection. In medical lingo...acute nephritis.

Not only do I have a bad kidney infection, but they wanted me to admit me. And not only that, but they told me that I would have to stay 2 or 3 nights. I totally wasn't prepared for that. I was very upset about it. But they gave me the option of going home with a pill form of antibiotic or staying and getting IV antibiotics and being monitored. This was the recommendation. Stacy asked them what would happen if I went home and took the pill. The woman said, "Death, disability, kidney failure or you could try it and just come back if doesn't work." Wow. Thanks for that. Especially your strong emphasis on death. After having to use Stacy's cell phone (because mine was DEAD) to call Andrew to discuss this with him, we decided I should stay. And as much as I didn't want to and still don't want to be here, it's a good thing I did stay.

Stacy left once we decided that I was going to stay and they told me I was being transferred to the Women's Hospital because I'm still considered pregnant. I'm pretty sure the NP meant post pardum. But what do I know. Anyway, you know you have a TRUE friend when she'll take you to the ER and sit with you for 6 and half hours. 2 hours later the EMTs came to get me to transport me. I was so confused because I was sound asleep when they came in. And let me just tell you, it's a good thing I didn't have a broken neck or a broken back, because it would be irreparable as much as they were banging me around. I wish my phone had not been dead. I wanted to take a picture. I've never been to the ER or in an ambulance before. (okay I've been to the ER once, but I was 5 and I don't remember it. Except for having a deformed finger)

Thank goodness they moved me to the Women's Hospital. I've had 3 babies here and as much as I hate being in the hospital, I'm comfortable here. One bad thing. They told me I had to pump and dump in the infection got in my blood. It hurts my feelings everytime I watch that milk go down the drain. REALLY hurts my feelings. But I was told I could start nursing again in 24 hours as long as they don't change my antibiotics. I wanted to tell them that I will only be pumping because I'm not really that into feeling like I'm getting a purple nurple for an hour 8 times a day. But if you are into that sort of thing...I'm not judging.

Okay, so I know this is a long story to tell you that I feel guilty. I feel guilty for asking sweet Stacy for staying with me in the ER for 6 and half hours. While I would absolutely do the same thing for her and I know if she minded she wouldn't have stayed, it doesn't make me feel any less bad that she spent her Friday night at the hospital for me.

I feel guilty because my sweet husband had to take care of everyone in our family for 2 days. He was up all night Thursday night with me, B, and Lawes. And then had to take care of everything for Lawes and B last night. Poor B just feels so bad she is up all night long. I feel guilty for the entire burden of our family being on him.

I feel guilty because I can't be at home taking care of my family. I have a sick child and I can't be home to comfort her. I have a newborn that I can't feed. With a bottle that is. I'm not going to be home with him on the day he is one month old. I can't watch my daughter put her puzzle together.  I can't be at home to tuck my kids in bed or go over their Bible verses. I miss my family.

I feel guilty because I walked around with a kidney infection for at least 2 weeks and didn't do anything about it. Maybe if i had done something about it I could have fixed it with oral antibiotics and I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital and could be at home with my babies and my Beau. Maybe if I had done something about it I wouldn't have snapped at my sweet B (see my previous post) or felt like such a failure of a mom for a couple of days.

I feel guilty because my mom dropped everything to come up here to help take care of my family. Because she always drops everything to help take care of my family when things like this happen.  I am so thankful for her. I probably wouldn't make it without her.

I have spiked a 103 fever several times today. My kidney started hurting pretty bad by about 6pm, so they gave me some morphine. That stuff is a miracle worker. I just started my second round of antibiotics, so hopefully I'm on the road to recovery. Please just pray for me to be fever free for 24 hours. Then I can go home. And I really want to go home. And please pray for my sweet B to start feeling better.

Eek! This is long. But this is our story over the last few days. I only wish I had photos from last night. I promise this is the last woe is me post.